Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

A Numbers Game

I am a Woman.
I do not care for numbers.
I know many Women.
Most do not care for Numbers.


Men seem to enjoy Numbers.
I know many Men.
And of the many Men I know
Most like Numbers.


I am trying not to generalize
But I have to say
On the whole,
Women, as a Group are not Numbers People
(Some are. Maybe 10%?)
Men, on the other hand,
(Maybe 90% are into Numbers)


Tonight,
As an exception,
I have a burning desire to talk Numbers.


(This also answers one of the Questions from the Lovely ‘DC/MD’)


I have lived in New York City longer than I have cared to
And longer than I care to admit.
In all that time
(Over ten years)
I have taken cabs hither and fro.
But, for the sake of Numbers, let us just examine the past three years.


For the past three years, I have had two places of residence:
One for my Home, that I own, and is now sold,
And one that is my rental at $2000.00 a month (average NYC price for a one-bedroom)
It is that apartment that I work from.


Every day I take the subway,
For two-dollars, Uptown to my rental apartment to work.
Every night, I take a Taxi home to my downtown apartment.
Cost?
$10.20 plus tip=$12.00
That’s not the point.


The point is,
I’ve had two separate apartments for at least 2 and a half years if not almost three years.
So, for the sake of Numbers,
Let’s say 2 Years.
That’s what?
Three Hundred and Sixty Five days each year.


(And it is because I work seven days a week and have only called in sick 3 days in 16 years.)


But even to be fairer,
Let’s say, two years at 300 days a year.
That’s 600 days.
Okay.
In 600 days, I have never had the same cab driver.


Every night,
At 10, 11, 12, 1 at night, I pile myself into a Taxi and say,
(the same as always)
(Pseudo address for the sake of the Blog:)


"20th between 7th and 8th please."


And every night for let’s say, to be kind, for 600 nights, we begin our journey, and by the time we reach 40th Street, the Cab Driver will say to me,


"Did you say, between 6th and 7th?"
OR
"Did you say, between 8th and 9th?"
OR
"Did you say, 19th and 8th?"
OR
"Did you say, 20th and 7th?"
OR
"Did you say, 21st between 6th and 5th?"


And every night,
I say,
"No. I said: 20th between 7th and 8th."


Sometimes, when I’m lost in tiredness and thought and not paying attention,
A Driver who doesn’t ask,
Will somehow arrive at an unknown destination a few blocks from where I stated.
When I tell him of his error and request he take me to the location I originally requested,
An all-out-battle ensues:


"You crazy lady! You tell me -----!"


"No. I said, 20th between 7th and 8th. It’s okay. Just take me there. I don’t want to walk this time of night."


"You say ----!"


"I don’t want to argue with you but I wouldn’t say ----- because I know where I live and I live at 20th between 7th and 8th so why would I say otherwise?"

"You no say that."


"Okay. You win. I must be wrong. I must have said the wrong thing. Just take me to 20th between 7th and 8th."

Backtrack:
The only time I have been absolutely wrong and at fault with a New York City Cab Driver was recently when I wasn’t wearing my glasses—
(Due to my vanity)
And actually HIT a Cab with my body and it was completely my fault.
Truly, I didn’t see him.
Or his Cab.
And I actually hit him.
I walked into him.
I am Blind.
I admit it.
And I walked into him.


His Cab screeches to a halt.
He leaps from the Cab yelling,
"You f*cking crazy Lady! You hit my Taxi! You crazy bitch!"
His arms are waving wildly. His mouth is spewing white foam. And in the backseat sits a Man in a Business Suit, Un-plussed, reading the Wall Street Journal.


"Oh God! Oh God! I know ! I know!"


"F*ck you, you crazy f*cking Bitch! What you think you’re doing?! F*ck you!"


"I know! I Know! It’s totally my fault. It’s my fault! I am so, SO sorry. I didn’t mean to run into your cab!"


Eventually he calms down enough to climb back into the driver’s seat and move on.


It takes me a day or so to realize that I was the pedestrian.


But in either case, he was right.
I ran into him.
Because I am Blind.
Because I am Vain,
Because I was not wearing my glasses.
It was, indeed, my fault.


That aside, and back to what I was saying earlier,
I take a cab, at the very Least,
(and that’s being generous with my Numbers)
600 times in the past two years.
And, EVERY time, I am asked at least once, if not twice more, after I have given my destination,
To clarify again,
The destination address.


So here’s the Question:


"WHAT THE F*CK?"


What the heck is wrong with the hearing of the ears of these drivers?


If it was once….
If it was twice…
If it was 200 times


But to be asked at least twice by over 600 drivers?
One has to wonder.


Doesn’t One?


I mean, is it the high pitch of my voice that distracts them?
Is it that Men and Women just don’t HEAR one another?
Is it that Taxi Drivers are just---I don’t even want to say it…


P.S. In all the time I’ve taken Taxis in New York City, I’ve had 4 Women Drivers.
Never once did they ask me twice.
Which leads me to the fearful thought:
If we can’t even get our Numbers straight,
How can we ever connect on a level so deep as SEX?


Sigh.


Some do.
Many try.
I should just let it go.
It’s late.
Why torment myself?
After all, I have no Cab Driver’s as Clients.


But Golly-Gee!
600?
That’s an awesome Number.

No?

Maybe I'm just making a Mountain out of a Mole Hill.

But 600 times?

Phew...One has to wonder...



8 Comments:

At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What you should do is just get in the cab and say: "20th St. and 7th. ave. please." Then, when you get there, you can say pull up to this building, or wherever. It's easier that way, just give them the two numbers.

 
At 5:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a thought - maybe it's just a scam to get another couple of bucks out of the passengers?!

B

 
At 9:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alas, Is this the end of the Adventures of Geisha? You haven't posted in awhile and your abscence is keenly felt. I imagine life is chaotic right now, but try to drop us a brief line. If that's not possible good luck fair lady and Godspeed
a fan

 
At 12:26 AM, Blogger DC/MD~HipChick said...

Hope everything is alright.You're probably off frolicking at the beach or something...but you're ok, right?

 
At 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Geisha,

Hope you're OK. Please take some time off from beating up on the builders to say everything's well (or at least not irredemably fouled up). Really missing your blog on the daily doings of Adventure Girl.
--- Mellow Blue.

 
At 9:22 PM, Blogger Skarlett said...

Agreed-
Just a quick line to let us know all is well :)

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To those that care, Geisha is safe, well, happy and maybe a bit overwhelmed (spoke to her and she asked this be posted.) She has moved and her temporary residence has no internet service. When last heard from she was battling with a very loud woman over a computer at Kinkos (a little artistic license here). Hopefully she'll be back shortly. - A friend.

 
At 9:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you so much for caring! I was overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness..I am okay--just battling chaos that comes with a huge move and lots of life changes..I have little time to pee much less write but hopefully in the next month, things should settle down and I can get back to my Horizontal Life!
Love and thanks
Persephone

 

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