Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

"Why are we Supposed to be with Men anyway? I Feel Like I Used to Know."

(quote by: Lorrie Moore)

A barrage of calls hits my machine.
Yesterday afternoon, I check my messages at 4 o’clock, have no new calls, therefore assume I am off for the evening.
This morning I check again:
You have 14 new messages.’

1. Hi Geisha. My name is James Jim. That’s J-I-M-M. I am very very discreet so I appreciate your concern here. Um. Terrific webisite and I would like to talk. I’ve got some possible times I’m gonna be in the area. Right now, I’m going to be around until 6. Right now it’s 5:15 so if you can call me in the next forty-five minutes um, otherwise I’ll call you. 954-544-4444. No. Um. I’ll call you.

2. Hi. Sean. 333-333-3333. Call me Geisha.

3. Hang up.

4. Hang up.

5. Hi Geisha. This is Jacob Johnson just confirming our meeting tomorrow at 8. Call me if you need to, otherwise I’ll call you from the corner as you requested. Look forward. Bye.

6. (6:38pm) Hello Sweetheart. (The voice is male but is soft, pretentious and suggestive—like a would-be Marilyn Monroe) It’s Jeffery Michael the Third. We saw each other a few months ago and I’d love to see you. You’re new photos on your website are absolutely lovely. My number is: 201, 201-222-2222. I’d love to see you. Gimme a call. Bye.

7. (6:46pm) Oh I wish I’d written down your numbers my dear Geisha…I would like to see you tonight. Or any other time. My number is: 201, 201-222-2222. Or tonight. Monday. At 8. I wanna see you…Bye.

8. (7:55pm) Hi Sweetheart. 201, 201-222-2222. I would like um…I’d like to see you again. (long pause) And I’ll give you the money in advance…or I’ll bring it…tonight…whatever…I just would like to see your, um, pretty little…panties…what can I say, um…you’re a special lady…201, 201-222-2222. Good bye sweetheart.

9. Hang up.

10. (8:22pm) Hi Geisha. It’s Jeffery The Third…um…you know, I had your home number and your other number and I lost it. Sorry. I just wanna taste…um…your lips…um…tonight if possible. Call me. 973-777-7777. I repeat: 973-777-7777. I’d love to see you darling. I really enjoyed my last time with you. You are exquisite. Anyway. Give me a call sweetheart. 973-777-7777. Make time for me. (his voice has gotten progressively more desperate with each message.)

11. Hang up.

12. (8:31pm) Hi darling. I really want to see…I really want to see um…I really want to see you…a lot. 973-777-7777. Gimme a call…um…leave me a message if you have a problem. (Pause) I want you…Bye.

13. (8:40) I wanna be with you tonight. (Pause) Yeah. (Pause) Um. (Pause) No problem. 973-777-7777 I want you honey…I think you won’t be unhappy…um…yeah…granted, it’s just another job…for you…but…I like you…a lot. Give me a call. 973-777-7777 Bye bye.

14. Hang up.

Deep inhale.
Oh dear. Jeffery. My goodness.

First I call Jacob Johnson and re-confirm our time for tonight.

Then I call Jeffery.
"Jeffery? Hi. It’s Geisha. Thank you so much for your calls. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get back to you last night."

"No Problem. Um. What’s your schedule of free times for this week and next week?"

"Let me get my book out. Okay. I have Thursday day, Friday day, Saturday day and then most of next week."

"When next week?"

"Um. I have Monday day. Wednesday anytime day or evening. Thursday anytime day or evening. And Saturday day. (No response from Jeffery) Does any of that work for you?"

"Yeah you know… I’m gonna have to get back to you. I might have a business meeting or I might have to travel for business…or something might come up and I don’t want to cancel on you…so I have to think about it…cause I might have to do something one of those days…"


"I don’t want to book anything and then have to cancel."
"I understand."

"Thanks for calling back…but I might have a business conference or something."

"No problem. Sorry I couldn’t have called you back last night."

"No big deal."

"Okay. Well—thanks for calling."

"I’ll call you sometime."

"Okay Jeffery."


UGH. All that? A half hour to listen to and retrieve all his messages and then?
Men can be so odd.

Will I ever understand?


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