Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Just a Blog before I go…to sleep. Long weekend and very little time to write or answer back.
Thinking about my writing on the Blog and felt there was too little material from the ‘outside/in’ point of view.
Starring at my emails packed with abundant love and too exhausted to answer in a manner befitting what was sent. Decided the best thing was to share them:

First, a flock of emails from the lovely Electra, living restlessly above ground, constantly in the eye of the Hurricane, questioning the Basic Fundamental Relationship between Male and Female, while balancing it against my own slightly jaded viewpoint:

Hi Persephone,
Thanks so much for the book(s). I can't believe you sent me a new copy of my own book. Why am I not surprised? You're such a nice person! (Have you noticed I don't paragraph)? That's the ‘lazy’ in me.

(I am paragraphing for her!)

The guy thing, the only thing is, I don't know if I already mentioned, physically he isn't your type. But hey, if there is lots of other stuff that's good/great/amazing, who cares. He is cute though, at least I think so. Not the tall, broad kind of guy, but he treats his ladies' really well. You never told me what you thought. I guess on the blogg hey!

Speaking of men and you, every friend of ours who sees you always raise their eyebrows now that we are talking about this kind of stuff. I think they are overwhelmed when they lay their eyes on you. You can't blame them though! When you leave, it's like they can breathe again, if you know what I mean. It's like they have convulsions (I think that's the right word). It is so funny! Quite amusing, actually!

I don't quite understand men, but I do understand they are very visual creatures.
You're like some kind of treat to men, and the enemy of the girlfriends and wives (at least the insecure ones). So many of them. If they feel insecure with me, god only knows how they must be feeling about you.

You will always be that woman. That is hard to live with. A plunging neckline doesn't help (that's me of course going to pick up my kid). I'm not going to change who I am. I like plunging necklines.
They are so part of me. It would be like chopping a finger off.

Anyway, even the most beautiful women, in any circumstance whatever that may be for her, always, always, cops shit from the rest of them (except for the males)? That's just the way it is. If you're pretty, you cop it, if you're ugly you cop it on both ends. I rather cop it from one end.I enjoyed the blog. Interesting and sexy! Boy do you have some stories to tell! I think you are very right to think that it is that sex energy we both have. Of course you are more obvious physically. Physical or not, if you have it, you have it.

It's like sex. It's either in you or not. Married or not. If you like it, you like it and you do it.
It saddens me to hear about people who stop having sex cause of their kids. It must be a huge reality for a lot of people. It bothers me to think that cause I've been with Dimitri for nearly 18 years, people would assume that we have no sex life. It really bothers me, because it really is like that for most of the population. It just isn't like that for us. I feel like I have to defend myself all the time in that department.

But, yes, you are right. We understand each other, even before we opened our mouths the first time we met. I instantly liked you. I liked what I saw, a very sexual being, not even knowing you. I was excited to meet another woman who could possibly live in the same kind of world that I do. You know what I mean.

I stay well away from the prim, proper, nice girls. They bore me. Most of my fun friends are very sexual and I always have a good time. But you would have to be the most interesting of all.

The last interesting woman I met disappeared. She lived in the Underworld, with a fake passport and all sorts of things. We left Manila and that was that. Just a note of hers that I have kept. It reminds me of her. She was so young. Only in her mid-20's. She desperately wanted her client that she was with to marry her. She wanted a name she said. She was Asian. Had that body you keep longing for. No boobs of course. Was pretty enough, but not beautiful or gorgeous. She was also very smart like you. She told me she used to read a lot while waiting for her clients. She used to listen a lot too. Businessmen and their lunches. She learnt a lot. She didn't have that sexual appeal. Of course all the men loved her. Funny enough, when I first saw her, I thought she had a great bod. But you know us girls we can always find something to pick on. Overall, she was attractive "beige" as you would put it.
‘Attractive’ doesn't offend me. To me it means ‘likeable’ not necessarily ‘extraordinary’. Maybe a word used because it is okay to say attractive, rather than beautiful or gorgeous in social circumstances. I think people use it because it is safe, and it doesn't give away, what one is really thinking. You know what I mean?

Maybe, people don't want the person being complimented to feel awkward, embarrassed. So don't take offense to ‘attractive’. It's just a comfort zone word.

Actually, I though ‘pretty’ was the lowest grade. I even looked up every word, ‘pretty’, ‘attractive’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘stunning’, ‘striking’. Why? Because I’ve been called all of them, and wanted to know what people were trying to say.

Not long ago I went to a conservative party. I wore that pink suit. Remember?
Anyway, Dimitrios tells me the following week, that everybody was asking about me. His client also mentioned to him that I looked so conservative.

People have this expectation of me. Like I should look like a sex goddess all the time. That's how they perceive me. That's how people perceive you too. Sometimes I get pissed off. I told Dimitri that he should know that I have many sides, like you do to. Mainly it is all about sex, like you, but yes why do they think they have the right to touch us?

Men have always tried to touch, kiss me. Dimitri says that I look like the ‘easy’ type. He says they wouldn't do it to certain women. Like the calling out in the street, the comments. You know that kind of stuff. I asked what is the difference between the other woman and me. He says they are more afraid of them. Maybe, I think they are less approachable. They have an un-friendlier vibe. We have an inviting vibe. I could dress like as conservative and all covered up and get the same results. It's happened to me, where men have gone crazy, wild and I am completely conservative. So there you have it.

We are, I guess. female soul mates. It took a long time, but we found each other. I understand you completely. Even when you wore your beige conservative jacket, it made no difference; Persephone cannot be shielded. It's in our eyes! xx ElectraHi Persephone,Me again. It's 1.24am. We somehow live in another time zone to everyone else it seems. I just read your latest blog again. I enjoyed it even more. The first time around I was a little confused with Heesham and Hoosham. Not sure if I got the names right. So this time around, I giggled a lot more. It was a great piece as usual.

Wow, what a relationship you have with your hairdressers. They are strange aren't they? It's the Middle Eastern thing I guess. I'm a little pissed that he did what he did. Although it is sexy and all at the same time (I understand that, cause I understand you/me), but really he had no right.

Like in my last email to you, I don't know what it is about our energy.
Men do seem to think "the gate is open" as you said.
It pisses me off.
It's nice to be noticed, but we have to be able to draw the line.

You are so much like me. I think of the past and some of the experiences I have had.
It's taken me a very long time, to say "no". Although, I still end up with the guys no., only cause I am uncomfortable. You know, about hurting his feelings and all that.

Actually, I was quite proud of myself when I didn't give my number out to a complete stranger. (The guy at Maccanudo’s) It was quite empowering for me.
I felt like I stepped up, and it wasn't my problem, it was his.
He had to respect that I was married and had kids. You know what I mean.

Our problem is we put stranger's feelings first before ours. In other words we respect the way they feel before we respect the way we feel. Why is it okay for the guy to make us feel uncomfortable? Does he even care if we feel uncomfortable?

I have realized "no", they don't. So now I don't feel as bad about saying "no". I still have a long way to go. I know that. It is just a part of who we are. Our makeup. We are generous, nice people and that gets us into a lot of trouble (especially if you're married or in a relationship).
I have also realized that, if a man doesn't necessarily say anything to you it doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you. In fact, I think a man that takes a while to approach you and say anything, is more respectful. It's a girl thing. It takes us a long time to realize this.
I still do it.

There is a guy at the gym. Nice looking and all. I sometimes catch his glance. I do wonder why he doesn't pay any attention to me. But then again, he sees my child, he sees me with another man once and a while. Maybe, he just respects the fact that I am taken and I have a kid, and also he is being professional.

He may not even think I'm pretty, or maybe he does.
I guess it doesn't matter.
But the funny thing is, I am curious as to ‘why’.
So now I go out of my way not to notice him.
I am doing what he is doing to me, and I'm not worried about it.
The truth is, I am waiting to see how long it will take for him to notice me more.

Some guys, like my husband do this to girls too.
Dimitri, doesn't go out of his way when he meets someone beautiful or whatever. He actually does quite the opposite to every other guy. He's weird like that. He has told me girls do wonder why he doesn't go all soft at the knees. So I do have a male's perspective on this.

But the point is, we expect them to say something, to make a pass, to have those eyes gazing for a moment. I guess I am just use to it and when it doesn't happen, like in this scenario, I wonder why.

We are basically people pleasers and nothing is wrong with that. People gravitate to us for unknown reasons. I guess we have a nice energy, a welcoming energy and that's why they approach us. We are very approachable. We are not cold, nor are we stuck up. Sometimes we also sell ourselves short. People have told me that also. "You sell yourself short". I always respond "I don't think so, I just think I'm pretty ordinary, average" and leave it at that. We don't see what others see in us in short. They see alot more, it's sad we don't see it as clearly.

Nighty nite. Sweet dreams.
Electra xx

It's 3.44am and I've done it again. Loved, loved, loved what you wrote. See, I peeked to see if there was anything. There it was. I couldn't resist.
You have started it "the blog" between the both of us.
I think it could be great like you said. I have to get my ass out of bed. Set it up. We will have to set it up soon.

I'm so glad we understand each other. Maybe we were twins in another life. It's great when you can find that someone special. Someone that you get excited about seeing. I'm not that excited these days to see too many people. I want to, but somehow I know I don't really value being with them. It's still nice and all, but I seem to be giving the advice and getting none back. I want to learn new things, but when you are only giving, it is not that much fun.
So with you, we give and take emotionally. We both learn I guess.

And besides that, you are my secret friend.
That's exciting too.
I can't say that about too many other people can I!
It's almost like you are my mistress in the real world.
Like the men in your world.
You're their special gem.
You're in their secret thoughts, when their secretaries go by in the middle of the day, when they lay in bed with their wife.
They play you in their heads, when they want to feel excited, naughty, above the law. More frequent smirks appear on their faces at the oddest moments of their day, in a serious meeting perhaps, in the middle of dictation, on the subway, at the dinner table with their wife.
Our secret is protected.
We value it, nurture it, and defend it.
Bottom line, we need it!! It makes us feel special!!

xxx Electra

And then an email from my brilliant friend the Playwright who is ravaged from a recent train accident:

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the beautiful crayon when all that was left was the ugly one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the front of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

Just wanted to include what was coming into my life and surrounding me, rather than always commenting from my own point of view.
I am lucky.
I am lucky to have such incredible people in my life that love me no matter that I am Persephone living in Hades.

Next entry: "The Spider and The Fly".
Today I was given a script to memorize.

'Geisha IS The Black Widow Spider.'

Cumming soon to a Blog near you!
Stay Tuned.


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