Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Friday, March 18, 2005

I Should 'Take a Right' More Often

Tonight is one of the most INCREDIBLE nights of my (in old age)!

My client and I run two hours over time talking about addictions and so forth.
Meanwhile, I haven't eaten any food since noon; I'm out of cigarettes and will need wine replacement for tomorrow.

Therefore, out of hunger, and a desire for my habits, I broke the pattern of my staid life of strict routine.

Instead of turning left to the 'quiet corner' where I usually catch a cab and go directly home, I take a right and head to the busy intersection.

First, McDonalds. Gross. I know. But good in a pinch.
And this is a pinch.

A boy, maybe 16? 18? I can't even tell anymore.
All I know is that he is of the age that I probably could have given birth to him.
Opens the door for me. I thank him.
He follows me to the counter.
Chatting me up. Am I gonna order a burger? fries? filet-o-fish? And by the way,
do I know how 'hot' I am?
I smile. Laugh endearingly.

I have my make-up off. My hair is undone. I am short, wearing blue jeans and a big fat coat that still fits me from High-School--the same coat I wore when Jett wanted to get back together with me in the Smoking Area.

Gather my food.
He and His Possie follow me to the exit, "god bless you, gorgeous. god bless you."

I smile, again endearingly.

Liquor store.
Filled with young males deciding on there poison of choice for the evening--
balanced of course by what their mutual funds will afford.

Place a bottle of fairly economic white wine on the counter. Ask for a pack of Camel Ultra Lights.
The efficient Asian man behind the counter seems to be ignoring me.
Wraps up two small bottles of Hennessey for the boys. Takes their crumpled bills.
Ask again for the cigarettes.
The boys aren't leaving. Giving me 'the'eye'. Why? Again, I could have given birth to them.
(would have raised them better, but that's a different story.)
The Asian owner says,

"oh, you gotta some i.d.?"

I am delighted.
I thank him and hand him my money.

He just stares.

"You gotta some i.d.?"

"Actually, I don't. Are you serious?"

"No i.d. No cigarettes. No liquor."

He's serious.
I'm flattered.
BEYOND flattered.
But c'mon.

"Really? Look at me."

He does.

"I'm obviously older than 18--for the cigarettes, I mean."

He doesn't move.

"And I'm obviously over 21--for the wine."

We are at a stand-still.
I wait.
He stares.
The boys stay in the store. Enjoying the drama.

"If you-a gotta no i.d., I canna no sell you."

and wow!

I give him a heavy sigh and walk out.

As I stand on the curb waiting to signal a cab, the boys come out.

"Hey girl."
I turn.
"Bought you a present."

They hand me the wine and cigarettes.

I blush and thank them and hand them money that they refuse.

"Got ya covered baby." They say.
"Oooh baby, just gimme a smile."

I do. (Albeit, a motherly one.)

Climb into my cab.
They tap on the window before we pull off, giving me 'thumbs-up' and holding thier hearts.
One dramatic boy falls to his knees on the filthy street singing,
"Oh baby don't leave me this way."

Genuine laugh behind the safety of the closed window of the taxi as we pull away.

Scarf down the burger and filet without eating the buns (low carb diet, right?) by the time I get home.
Enter my apartment realizing I have just been the recipient of cigarettes and wine purchased by Minors, for Me.


Not only an odd twist but
F*CKIN' fabulous.
I love being carded!

Resolve to try this 'no-makeup, flat-shoed, scuzzy-hair with glasses look, more often.
Maybe at work?

Nah..that would be pushin' it.


At 7:50 PM, Blogger Zen Master said...

What a great story! Some times the most wonderful experiences cost NOTHING and happen when you least expect it! Definitely restores your faith especially if you're down... Don't forget an actress always has her make up on when it's show time.


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