Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

I'll Have a COCKtail, please.

Naked Client. Horizontal on the bed.
Naked me. Kneeling above, so tired I’m slap-happy.
Both of us laughing at who knows what.
My exhaustion has become hilarity, my giggles now infecting him.

Me: No. No. Here. Wait. Stay. Heel. Don’t move. (reach over taking in a mouthful of white wine)

He: Where oh where am I going to go?

Me: (Nodding, rolling my eyes, trying not to laugh with a mouthful of wine, I lean over taking his cock into my mouth.)

He: Oh my god! Woe! Cold!…oh...cold but good…oh wow.

Me: (After swallowing the wine) Wow. Now that’s a good vintage. You know what?

He: What? Do it again.

Me: I will. But wait. You know what?

He: What?

Me: They should have a drink like that. In bars. They should.

He: Uh-huh. And how, pray-tell would they do that?

Me: Very simple. You sit down and say, "I’ll have a C&C." And—

He: A 'C&C'?

Me: 'Cock and Champagne'. Abbreiviated. You know. I think it would be better with champagne, now that I thought about it.

He: Oh you thought about it.

Me: I did. In the second you weren’t looking.

He: See that. Look away for a second—

Me: Gotta keep a tight rope. So then they set a flute in front of you and pour the champagne—

He: Vieuve Cliquot.

Me: Of course. And then some guys come out and you pick which one you want and voila!

He: Voila.

Me: Right. They take his cock and plop. Drop it in the glass. Like a big ole celery stick.

He: I have a better name for it.

Me: Better than 'C&C'?

He: Yup.

Me: Okay, what?

He: A Cock-tail.

We both collapse into silly giggles.

Me: (grabbing his face, peppering his cheeks with kisses) Oh my god! Now you see why I like you so much? You’re a genius.

He: (hugging me to his torso) And you know what you are?

Me: (calming down the giggles) What? What am I?

He: Tired. A very tired little girl.

Me: I know. I am. Do I look that bad? I’m sorry.

He: You look great…listen, (he takes my dramatically pouty face in his hands) on your worst day you’re better than my ex on her best.

Me: That’s not nice.

He: True though.

Me: Let me try again. (take some wine again in my mouth and head downwards.)

Unfortuantely I make the mistake of looking at him first. His expression, combined with my exhaustion causes me to burst, spraying the wine all over both of us and the bed. We lay in heap on the bed laughing so hard neither of us makes a sound.

Gasp. Grunt. Groan.

Me: I’m sorry.

He: For what? I had a blast.

Me: Me too. Sorry for being so silly-tired.

He: Tell you what?

Me: Hmm?

He: Next time I order a cocktail, I’m gonna think of you. I may not be able to drink it with a straight face. But I’ll think of you.

Me: Yeah, well, the next time you order a Bloody Mary, you know what to do, right?

He and Me: (at the same time) Check the celery!

That’s it folks. It’s all over. Everyone out of the pool.

I guess you had to be there. ;)



At 10:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I case ya didn't know

Wal-Mart recently announced that they will soon be offering customers a

new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.

> The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of

California, to produce the spirits at an affordable $2-5 price range.

> Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand

into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap

> wine," said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. "But the right name is

important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the

> most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand.
> The top surveyed names in reverse order of popularity are:
> 10. Chateau Traileur Parc
> 9. White Trashfindel
> 8. Big Red Gulp
> 7. World Championship Riesling
> 6. NASCARbernet
> 5. Chef Boyardeaux
> 4. Peanut Noir
> 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
> 2. Grape Expectations
> And the number 1 New Wal-Mart Wine Name IS . . . . . . . .
> 1. Nasti Spumante
> The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white
> meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

At 11:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh god!
Ihope you saw the movie "Sideways" with a very sexy woman sitting next to you stroking your arm during the film..if not..grab a girl and go! I love your post..I am still laughing!

At 11:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you know that the sign for the upcoming Chinese Lunar New Year is the "Cock"? Also know as the "Rooster" but I suspect you'll prefer the "Cock". It will go well with you favorite COCKTAIL.
Happy Chinese New Years!

At 7:51 PM, Blogger Samurai Warrior said...

I'd be happy to make a PUSSYtail for you some time. You could use a little fun while you're writing all these PUSSY-TALES!


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