Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Vote for Bush!

Late night, post-play, lolling about on the bed.

He: How did I find you?
Me: How did you find me?
He: How come I never knew a ‘you’ like you existed before?
Me: How come?
He: Who cares. I’m glad I did.
Me: Me too.

We sip our wine and stare at the candles flickering in the dark.

He: On the other hand.
Me: On the other hand?
He: On the other hand, maybe it’s not so good.
Me: No? Why not?
He: This could become an addiction.
Me: True. Better than drugs though. No messy side effects.
He: Better than liquor.
Me: No hangover.
He: An expensive addiction.
Me: Pace yourself.

We laugh.

He: I know why I found you.
Me: You were trolling the Internet…
He: That’s how. I mean, ‘why’.
Me: Oh. Why?
He: Hey. Where’d it go? (He points to my vagina.)
Me: It’s still here. I usually keep it on my person at all times.
He: No. I mean your—you know. Your ‘tuft’.
Me: My ‘tuft’? Oh my hair you mean? Did you just notice it was gone? My god! Not very observant are we!
He: It just occurred to me.
Me: Do you miss it?
He: I do. That ‘tuft’ is the reason I first came to see you.
Me: No!
He: Yes!

Me: Hmmm. How do you mean?
He: There are two sights that I’ve been fortunate to bear witness to in my lifetime. Both branded in my memory. One was a bright red sun setting below the Colorado Rocky Mountains. The Mountains came up on either side of me, like the bent thighs of a voluptuous woman and between ‘her legs’ set this ball of red blazing fire.
Me: Mmmm. Wow. Gorgeous.
He: And funnily enough, the other was also a blazing red coming up out of the sea.
Me: What do you mean?
He: I was in a nudist beach area and climbing out of the waves to the shore was a woman. The sun was in her eyes and she was shielding her face with her forearm, so it was in shadow to my view. But what I saw was this flaming red bush between her legs rise up out of the water and the sun hit it making it look like it was on fire. It was one of the most spectacular sights I ever witnessed. I’d never seen a bush that color or that beautiful before.
Me: Red blazing bushes. Coming up and going down. A dream come true.

He: That's how I saw it. So where’d it go?
Me: My bush? I know. I know. It's on vacation. I got to shaving and I did it all crooked so I nipped a bit more here and then here and pretty soon, yipes! All gone.
He: Grow it back.
Me: Is that an order?
He: Would it make a difference?
Me: I’d have to take a week off of work to grow it back. And anyway, lots of people prefer it this way. Some prefer the other, true. Like you.

He: Maybe we should put it up for discussion.
Me: Where?
He: On those review boards.
Me: Ha! Now there’s a topic that’d cause a hubbub.
He: I know my platform. ‘Red in Bed!’ ‘Save the Tuft!’
Me: You’re a very silly man. Come. It’s late. We have to get up.

Kiss him goodbye at the door.
He walks into my quiet hallway then turns, raises a fist and with a big fat smile yelps:

"I vote for Bush!"

What if my neighbors heard him? Doesn’t he realize New York is a Democratic City?



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