Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Never Accept a Drink From a Urologist

He has just arrived. We are sitting side-by-side on my sofa. I’ve just poured us both glasses of Champagne. Usually chitchat for 15 minutes or so. Long enough to find a connection. Just enough time to build anticipation.

We’ve talked about his background, where he’s from, etc. Finally I ask:

Me: So how did you find me? Strike that. I know. You were trolling the Internet. But actually I should ask why did you choose me. And why now at this point in your life?

He: Uh….

Me: I’m really just asking because it tells me a lot about you.

He: Well, I liked your website. It was unique. And I liked the photos.

Me: Thank you for taking the time to read it. It took a long time to create.

He: And I’ve had a few not-so-good experiences in the past.

Me: Like what?

He: I don’t know. Impersonal. Bait and switch.

Me: With the agencies, you mean?

He: Yeah that. Or you get there and it’s the person but she’s like 20 years older or 40 pounds heavier.

Me: Do I look okay in person? Do you want to stay?

He: Better in person.

Me: Mmm. Thank you. For that you get a kiss.

We kiss, long and slow until his presses a pointy tongue down my throat as if to lick my esophagus. I break the kiss gently. I sit up again, taking a sip of my Champagne. His arm is still on the sofa behind me, reaching past me, his body leaning into me.

Me: So you said you were ready for retirement. What are you gonna do with yourself? Any un-finished dreams on the back burner ready to come forward?

He: (leaning further back, his body now leaning behind me): Golf more maybe.

Me: (craning my neck around to see him as he slips further down behind my back): What about reading? Writing? Traveling? Philanthropy?

He: (Now almost prone on the sofa): I don’t know.

Me: (My neck getting a crick from twisting around to see him): You know I’m going to pamper you today, right? Is that okay?

He: (Laying horizontal behind me): Um…that’s sounds like exactly what I need.

Me: But for now, do you want to sit up? (Ugh. He's a 'leaner-backer.') So we can chat a bit? Don’t worry. We’ll get everything in.

He: No. I’m comfortable like this.

Me: (Who leans back this way in the middle of a conversation?) It’s a little hard to talk this way.

He: (slipping his hand into my dress, squeezing my breast hard) Oooh, nice.

Me: Wait. Wait. I want to tease you a bit. (Removing the vice grip he has on me.) Okay, so no more talking. (I can take a hint.) Do you want to go to the bathroom before I take you in the other room?

He: No. I’m okay.

Me: To wash your hands? You know they’re going to be in some pretty intimate places?

He: I took a shower before I came.

Me: Okay, but you know, I’m not going to let you up once we get started. (I wink.) You’re going to be my prisoner you know?

He: Great. That’s just what I need.

Me: (Picking up the glasses to carry them to the bedroom): Follow me my love.

We pass through the curtain to my bedroom.

He: Wow.

Me: You like it. (I put my arms around his neck for a slow kiss. Again, his tongue is a drain snake.) I’m going to stop in the bathroom but first I’m going to give you some orders. Remember. You’re my prisoner.

He: I’m at your command.

Me: First, I want you to…(I look down at his feet. Just for show really. I know his shoes are still on.) Take off your shoes and your socks. (Men are very literal. If you don’t say shoes and socks, they won’t remove both. Have to be specific.)

He: (Starting to reach down) Okay…

Me: Wait! And then I want you to take off your shirts. Your sweater and your undershirt. But leave your pants on! (Softly): I want to do that myself.

He: Okay.

Me: And don’t get in the bed.

He: Okay.

Me: And don’t climb out the window.

He laughs.

Me: Just wanted to see if you were listening. I don’t want to have to go searching for you in the back yard. (Smile) I’ll be right back.

He: Hurry.

Me: (As I’m exiting): I will. Be a good boy.

Return from the bathroom, peed, wiped clean, KY-ed, and Listerine-d. He is completely nude and lying in the bed. Not a good soldier.

Me: Hey now. You didn’t follow orders.

He: (Grabbing me, yanking down my dress, pulling me onto the bed.) C’mere.

Me: Who’s in control here? Don’t you want me to pamper you?

He: I want a taste of those tits.

Me: I thought you wanted me to capture you?

He: I gotta taste those melons.

Me: Wait. If I let you do everything, it’ll all be over in a few minutes.

He: You like to be in control, don’t you?

Me: I do.

He: Why?

Me: ‘Cause it gives me time to get to know your body. Gives my body time to relax into yours. So we can have a genuine experience together. Isn’t that what you wanted?

He: I wanna suck those titties.

Me: Okay. We’ll do things your way. It’s your time. (I climb on the bed, putting my breasts in his mouth.)

He sucks and bites my nipples so hard I actually want to hit him.

Me: Ouch. Honey. Be gentle.

He: You like it.

Me: I like it a bit softer.

He: You do like to be in control.

Me: I do.

He: You’re very bossy.

Me: Am I?

He: Stop it. Just get into it.

Me: Okay, but just be a bit softer, okay?

Again he bites me and I, impulsively yank back.

He: Are you frigid?

Me: No, just a bit tender-er than what you were doing. Can you do it softer? I like it softer.

He: Forget your tits. Let me lick your pussy. (He grabs my hips, pulling my up on top of his face.)

Me: Wait! Wait. Let me show you how I like it.

He: You don’t think I know how to do it?

Me: I’m sure you know how to do it. I just want to show you the way I like it.

Too late. My legs are spread above his mouth. His hands are clamped to my buttocks. His pointy snake tongue is poking holes into my tender parts. Above him, I am gritting my teeth until I can take it no longer. Fighting his grip, sliding down, sitting on his chest, I smile gently, kissing his mouth.

Me: Umm..I can taste myself. Let me show you how I like it.

He: That wasn’t good?

Me: No no. It was wonderful. But you want to know what I really love?

He nods.

Me: Okay. Stick your tongue out.

He does.

Me: now make it real flat. Not pointy.

He does.

Me: Now lick me softly with the flat part of your tongue. Slowly. Okay? Like your licking an ice cream cone.

He: Okay.

I climb back into position. Again he plunges in, tongue trying to imitate a vibrator, stabbing me.

Me: Good, but softer. Slower. Pretend like your kissing my mouth.

No change.

Me: Ummm…Slower. Ummm…softer. Pretend like I’m really delicate.

He: You are. (Garbled a bit because my vagina is in his mouth.)

Me: Okay, so just pretend that and let your tongue respond that way.

He: I am.

Me: (In pain): Umm…slower. Slower. Okay. (Pause) Stop moving.

He does.

Me: See, that feels nice.

He: I’m not doing anything.

Me: You are.

He: I’m not moving.

Me: You are. I can feel the heat from your mouth. The softness of your lips. It’s delicious. See? And now I can move on top of you the way I like it. See?

I close my eyes and get into the feeling.

He: (After a few moments of this): Nothing is happening.

Me: (Moving off him to face him): There was. I was really loving it.

He: It’s kinda boring. I’m not doing anything.

Me: (Giving up): I’m sorry. Okay. Do it the way you want to.

He pushes me up on top of his face again and tongue like a dagger, jams it in and around me. I have to pretend I cum to end the ordeal.

He: See. You loved it. Try not to be so bossy.

Me: You’re right. What about you? (Thankful that part is concluded, I slide my body down to his cock. It’s very erect.) He feels left out. Let me have a chat with him. I speak fluent Penis you know.

He laughs.

He: It’s not gonna work.

Me: Why not?

He: I have to go to the bathroom.

Me: I told you! How can you go now? You’d have to stand on your head!

He: You’re probably right.

Me: Have you ever peed standing on your head?

He: Can’t say as I have.

Me: If I had a penis, that’s one of the first things I’d try. I would. I would try to pee standing on my head. Just to see if I could do it.

He: Never occurred to me.

Me: No of course not. You take it for granted ‘cause you have a penis. C’mon. Try it.

He: What? Peeing standing on my head?

Me: Yeah.

He: How am I gonna do that?

Me: I’ll bring a pillow into the bathroom and I’ll hold your legs up. You just aim.

He: (after a long pause with him starring at me): I’ll try it on one condition.

Me: What’s that?

He: I’ll tell you in the bathroom.

Me: Okay.

We traipse to the bathroom. I put a pillow next to the toilet. He puts his head on the pillow. It takes two tries to feet him upright upside down. I hold his wobbling legs. He aims.

He: I forgot to tell you the condition.

Me: Oh right. What? By the way, do you want me to turn the water on in the sink? Would that help?

He: Yeah okay. But here's the condition: If I get it in, if I aim with prescision, you have to put your head under and drink the last of it.

Although he can’t see me, my face involuntarily curls into an ‘eeuuww’ expression.

Me: Oh my love...I can’t do that.

He: Then I can’t do it. (He starts to come down. I hold his legs upward, immobile.)

Me: Do it! You have to pee. Do it now.

He: Drink it!

Me: Pee!

He starts to pee.

He: Now! Drink it!

Me: Just pee! This is fun. C’mon. You have a dick and you can actually pee upside down! Isn’t that amazing in itself?

He finishes. The last drops trickle out. I help him down from his upside-down state. He looks upset.

He: It would have been better the other way.

Me: If I had drank it?

He: Yeah.

Me: I’m sorry.

He: Whatever.

We finish our session. I thought it was novel. He is quiet as he dresses.

Me: (Breaking the silence): Did you have a nice time?

He: I did.

Me: You’re awfully quiet.

He: No. It was great. Would have been better if—you know.

Me: Sorry. But at least you got to pee upside-down for the first time. Not a lot of first-times in life after a while.

He: True. No problem. (Pause) It is healthy, you know?

Me: What?

He: Drinking it.

Me: Okay. Well, yes. I’ve heard that. I guess you just have to be one of the followers of that practice.

He: You know you never asked me for my I.D.

Me: Huh?

He: You said, on the phone to bring my I.D. since it was the first time we were meeting. And you never checked it.

Me: You’re right. I just got the feeling you were okay, so I let it go. Want to show it to me now?

He: What would you have asked to see?

Me: A Driver’s license and a business card.

He pulls both out of his wallet; hands them to me as he ties his shoelaces.

Me: A Gemini huh?

He: I guess. Is that what I am?

Me: You are. June 16th is Gemini.

He: Is that good?

Me: Not surprising. Gemini’s like odd adventures.

He: Am I odd?

Me: No my love. Just the drinking thing.

My mouth drops as I peruse his business card. A Doctor?! How did a physician slip through my net?

Me: What kind of doctor are you?

He: A Urologist.

It all makes sense.


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