Horizontal Lives

True Tales of the Infamous Courtesan: Persephone N. Hades and her Horizontal Life underground. How she got there, her mis-adventures and her struggle to re-surface.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

A 'Hoopdee' Kinda Guy


If one is trolling the Internet seeking companionship from a Courtesan and happens upon my website, one would come to my ‘Rates’ page, which states that I have a two-hour minimum. Then, if that person were to call the number given (I don’t provide email), one would hear a pre-recorded message that also says I require a two-hour minimum.


I do this because for one thing, I am not the most beautiful girl. There are so many gorgeous and younger women out there in my profession. What I have is skill and a bit of charm that help overcome my average looks. And from experience, I know it takes about two hours for whatever magic I am able to conjure, to create alchemy.

So, in essence, I do it out of insecurity and a sense of pride in my work—wanting to give only what I know will best please.


Responding to a very warm voice message today:


Me: I just wanted to thank you for calling. Your message was so kind.


He: Your site is great. I’ve been looking at it for about 3 years.


Me: Gosh. Thanks. I’m flattered. It took a long time to make. And it took you this long to call?


He: It’s a bit intimidating.


Me: My site? Why?


He: I don’t know. You can tell this isn’t just a job for you. I mean, I know everyone has to make their money but it’s like, I don’t know, you take it to a different level.


Me: So why wouldn’t you want to call?

He: I don’t know. It’s like---cars.


Me: Cars?


He: Like if a guy is driving a Hoopdee—


Me: (laughing) A Hoopdee?


He: Yeah. If a guy is driving a Hoopdee, he doesn’t worry about how he drives it. He doesn’t care. It’s a Hoopdee. But if a guy gets into a Porshe, you know you gotta take care of it. You know?


Me: (still laughing)


He: You know?


Me: I know what you mean. Thank you. You gave me my smile for today. Did you want to make an appointment?


He: I’m in between jobs right now. Senior Vice President. Like that. And with the Holidays, I probably won’t re-locate until after the New Year.


Me: Uh-huh.


He: So I just wanted to know if you would do one hour—and I never paid even as much for one hour as you charge so I was wondering if we could talk about that.


Me: Gosh, you sound so sweet and you gave me a big smile, but I really only see someone for the first time for two hours.


He: Can’t you make an exception?


Me: I can’t. I’m so sorry.


He: Why not?


Me: Well, okay. You gave me an analogy so I’ll give you one. It’s like the difference between grabbing a bite at McDonalds and dining at Daniels. Two very different experiences. I’m not good at ‘take-out’.


He: What if I don’t care?


Me: I care.


He: It’s the money?


Me: Partially. But even if you wanted to pay me the rate for two hours and just stay one, I still wouldn’t do it.


He: Why? What are you trying to say?


Me: What do you mean, ‘what am I trying to say’?


He: With the two hours. In the two hours. What point are you trying to make?


Me: (A long pause. I never thought of it in terms of what I was trying to express within that time frame.) Okay. Um. I guess I’m saying, that even though you have hired me as a ‘you know’, I want you to understand I am more than just pussy. Actually, more than that, I want you to understand that you are more than just your dick.


He: Huh.


Me: And that takes two hours.


He: Are you talking about the average guy?


Me: I guess.


He: If you can do that in two hours—huh.


Me: In any case, you left me such a nice message, I wanted to return your call. I hope I get to see you sometime.


He: Yeah. I’m glad you called back.


Me: So maybe in the future.


He: Maybe. I’m just not sure I’m ready for such knowledge right now.


Me: Understood.


He: For now, I think I’m still at the Hoopdee stage.


Me: Got it.


He: (a pause, then:) Bye Porsche.


Me: Bye Hoopdee.


He: See you on the road.


Me: Thanks for the smile.




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